It can be really hard to talk to anyone about money, but if you’re in a relationship and sharing expenses, you need to take the bull by the horns and raise this topic, get it sorted and have a ‘together’ plan for your finances. But don’t expect that one discussion will sort everything out. Take small steps. Remember the words of the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tsu: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
First up, here are questions for you to think about. Then when the time’s right, ask your partner to sit down with you with a view to doing some planning. Of course, if you’re in a new relationship, some of these questions (like planning a family together) might be best avoided for now!
Not all these questions are meant to be asked but some of them will get you thinking about money and that’s a great start. It’s wise to leave things in question form only so one party doesn’t feel dominated and controlled by the other. And it makes a lot of sense that if your partner agrees to sit down and talk about money, that you set aside a quiet time in the morning, no alcohol, no stress. And it’s a good idea that each party comes to this discussion with an open attitude and a desire to listen to what the other person wants. It can help if both parties have done some research about such things as savings plans and mortgage brokers so the conversation stays on track and is a useful experience.
Here are some prompts to start the conversation:
1. Will you do a budget with me so we can work out the expenses we’re up for? We’ve taken on this lease together and it would be great if we could see what we need to outlay each month. Even if we only cover the first 12 months, I feel it would be great to have this potential financial ‘stress’ covered. What do you think?
2. Will you work out a savings plan with me, that also helps us both put money aside that we could possibly invest?
3. Should we buy a house together? Here’s the name of a mortgage broker that could be good to talk to about how we go about borrowing money and how much we can afford. Maybe it would be good to test out the waters so we can see what we can afford? There’s no obligation in just talking.
4. (If you’ve bought a house) We have a home with a mortgage, should we lock in our interest rate for 1, 3 or 5 years? Here are some great rates that I’ve seen advertised.
5. You always said you wanted children and I’ve read that it’s good to plan all the costs involved before we get to that stage. I’ve heard that having kids is pretty expensive. Do you think it’s smart to look at things like this and perhaps do a budget?
6. What if we go on to have children together. Who’ll take time off work during the first years of our baby’s life? And how much time?
7. If I’m going to take time off, will you contribute to my super so I don’t lose those valuable years of accumulating money into super? (Many women retire on half as much super as men because of time off work to have and care for their kids, often followed by part-time working for many years. ASIC’s MoneySmart website states, ‘If your spouse earns a low or no income, you may be able to claim a tax offset of up to $540 if you make contributions to your spouse’s complying superannuation fund. To learn more about this, take a look at the Australian Taxation Office (ATO)’s website for the rules on the superannuation Spouse Contribution Tax Offset.Perhaps it’s worth reading what this is all about?
8. What schools do you prefer: public or private? Can we look at the pros and cons of each?
9. I’ve read about things like insurance bonds that may help us pay expenses like education for our child down the track.
10. Should we perhaps look at talking with a financial planner so we can really get our financial position clear?
Important: This content has been prepared without taking account of the objectives, financial situation or needs of any particular individual. It does not constitute formal advice. Consider the appropriateness of the information in regard to your circumstances.
